I Can't Wait To Be An Old Lady

My grandma handed me this today and asked me to read it....I had to have her explain who the people where in the letter (since I wasn't even born yet) but I had to laugh out loud and some of the lady's thoughts....I guess getting older has it's advantages!

Dear Editor,
The world is an old lay's oyster. She has it made. This profound conviction came to me more than twenty years ago right from a genuine and practicing old lady. This dear soul was in her late eighties, had the keenest zest for living I ever saw, ate like a horse, belonged to everything in town, never had a free weekend and attributed it all to the fact that she made a career of being an old lady. "Honey," she said, "you can do all the things you never had the nerve to do before. You can speak to anyone, you can say anything that comes into your mind--and if you do something that is really too naughty, all you have to do is look kind of vague and everyone will say, 'Well, she's old, she doesn't really realize---.' She winked wickedly. "Of course there are a few things you can do to get ready for it. Take care of your health, for one. For another, look forward to it."
You might say that I have since become a student of old ladyism, and I have learned a lot. Most old ladies seem to like being old ladies. When you find one who is a whining, miserable pain in the neck, ten to one she did not like being a middle-aged lady, or a young lady or a child. Don't count her. She's out to give the whole organization a black eye.
You don't even have to take my word for it. How many times have you described someone as a "sweet little old lady"? Dozens. If she is not a complete heller, every old lady is automatically a "sweet little old lady." Just think back to some TV programs you've seen. Sweet little old thing up there with the master of ceremonies! The audience is for her even before she has opened her mouth.
(Before some plaintive little voice asks, "But what about the old men? Isn't everything the same for them? I want to answer. No. It's a man's world, perhaps, but not to the world of old age. Oh, he can be an Old Godger, or a Nice Old Guy, or eve an Fine Old Gentleman. But let HIM cut up on a TV program or flirt and the reaction is usually , "look at the old fool. Who does he think he is?" It doesn't seem to bit fair, but that's the way it is, and I onlyh mention it in passing."
The nice think about the old-lady business is the latitude. You can even choose your own type. You don't have to be the Spring Byington or the Billie Burke type. The old lady who first gave me the idea was definitely the Edna May Olliver type right down to the black umbrella. If you happen to be plump, the Dear Old White-Aproned Grandmother with the cookie jar may be for you. Or if you have always been two-fisted, you can still come into your own by being the Gruff, Crusty but with Heart of Gold type. If you are tired of doing big things for yourself, you can be the Sweet, Helpless type. In fact, you can even let go completely and be the Absent-Minded sloppy type. Who else can get on a bus, clad in an old wool skirt, pajama top, feather boa, sneakers, battered straw hat, and carrying a shopping bag, bunch of grapes and a roll of chicken wire, and be treated like Queen Victoria? An old Lady--that's who!
Esthetically, of course, the Billie Burke and Spring Byington types are the acme of perfection. But almost in the same class is the Gentlewoman of the Old School. The Dowager Queen comes along in this category too. Or maybe you can't fit into any of these pictures. For myself, I have come to no conclusion except that I'm going to be waiting for it with a complete supply of ammunition.
Every day thousands of dollars are spent by women who are tyring to hang onto youth. Thousands of articles and books are written on the fascination subject of staying young. I wish someone would honestly tell me why. There is much joy at eavery age that I cannot imagine wanting to build onto one phase of life at the cost of another. A person may want to stay young in heart and mind, but why must she also stay young in the face? There is real beauty in age if we will allow such a thing in our lives. I know. I've seen it. I am aiming to have it too.
Stay young if you want to. I'm going to get out my laces and lavender in a few years and have a ball.
Yours,
Molly Crowdis
1959
"Ladie's Home Journal" Sacramento, CA